Now I am sure you have all heard the scientific theory that if a butterfly flaps its wings in Central Park, that you get Tornadoes in another part of the world.

But in the lifestyle the Butterfly Effect is completely different, and most often is the cause of both stress and issues with even the most stable of couples. And lets be honest, it doesn't matter if its the first time, or the five hundredth, its still happens.

Like any fear, it crops up and can cause arguments usually on the way to meet new people, or when you know, its a few minutes to kick off..

Here are some tips:

No Surprises - Birthdays Anniversaries OK, Swinging, NEVER. Know what to expect, and do not be afraid to throw a flag to stop everything if its different that advertised. If you are a couple, both parties have this power, and it needs to be clear that if it happens, the other partner CAN NOT be upset over it.

The Neutral Zone - Yes very Star Trek, but during SEXPLORATION you are venturing into the undiscovered country. The horror stories we personally have heard boggle the mind. By choosing a neutral place to play for if only the first time you eliminate the possibility of becoming the next Internet/movie of the week. It also insures that the place you are playing, the sheets, the floor, the bathroom is CLEAN.

Do not consume alcohol - It never works and be honest with yourself how many people want to play with someone that has to be drunk first. Besides the fact that, if you over indulge, no one gets turned on by someone who just puked their guts out..

Be honest, with yourself, and everyone else - If you are nervous, be up front about it. The best time to play is when EVERYONE is into it.. And rushing a reluctant partner, is not acceptable. Any play should move along at the pace of the slowest person. pressing the comfort zone is the fastest way to TURN OFF the one you are urging forward.

Choose your comfort zone - If you are nervous to be naked with everyone the first time, ask for the lights out, before disrobing. Or, if you are a bit self conscientious about yourself, choose to retire to the bathroom, and change into some lingerie.. it allows the mood to be enhanced, as well as giving you a boost to your ego.. and still gives your prospective new partners the ability to still unwrap the gift you are giving them.

I welcome any others to offer pointers, what works for them ECT

ALL very good points..

We can definitely relate to the alcohol issues.. We like to drink and will have a few at a party or when meeting people. But completely drunk, slurring words, falling down.. Just doesn't bring out a desire in us.

One bit that we would add is; Be in the lifestyle for the right reason.. If you are doing this just to make him / her happy, in isn't going to work. It needs to be a turn on for both of you for it to be enjoyable. If you think the lifestyle will prevent a partner from cheating or will save your marriage, you are gravely mistaken... Fix your situation first, try counseling, Talk openly about your desires / needs, then talk about the lifestyle. Take your time getting into it. When done right, where both partners are open to it, it will add so much more to your relationship.